I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
