Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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