Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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