I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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