my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
