Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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