He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
