So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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