Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
