I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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