You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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