he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
