Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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