this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
