I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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