theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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