cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize