My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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