I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
