shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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