today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
