it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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