Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
