i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
