Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
