just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize