R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
