is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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