My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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