You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
