apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
