She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
only you would photoshop your dick
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
