I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
