Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
