Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just had sex bonerless
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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