ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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