She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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