his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
