Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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