We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
