omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize