who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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