Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
