lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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