Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
