tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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