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I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
