Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
