He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
