i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
