Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
