he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
this is an emotional support booty call
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
