Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm always down for nudity.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
