he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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