i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
