I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
