I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
