I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
