East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sober January is a disaster.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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