I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
