Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
50% drunk capacity currently
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
