Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
