i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
