Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
