what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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