mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
