You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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