I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
