that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
